


Pranks

by blankdblank



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Blackmail, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pranking Kili, Pranks with the boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 15:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14500233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankdblank/pseuds/blankdblank
Summary: You, the Queen of Erebor are excruciatingly past due for labor, the Kingdom is filling with nerves about when the babies will arrive. The Princes take it upon themselves to calm everyone’s moods by playing pranks, one ends up with you as the unintended victim.





	1. Chapter 1

Another day another prank, both of The Princes easily finding their ways through their reclaimed home hoping to christen their new home by pranking someone in at least once in each room. Due to the stress of their upcoming demotion on the line of succession they were celebrating by pulling their biggest prank to date. Their new Queen had been agonizingly past due for the past two weeks and the entire Kingdom was on edge, so their plan was to lesson that by laughter.  
Everyone was carrying on normally until their calm was broken by an ear piercing shriek following a loud crash and the panicked shouting of the two Princes. Thorin was the first to investigate as the Company and Dis sprinted after him, throwing pen the massive heavy doors seeing the room covered in feathers and his Nephews groaning on the ground pulling out of the costumes they had forced themselves into, both gripping their bloody noses as you, Their Queen, were leaning over clutching the edge of the massive turned over desk with your hands panting with a puddle at your feet breathing out slowly with a faint squeak. Their eyes all widened as yours met Thorin’s as Bilbo rushed to your side lifting your arm around his shoulders and helping you slowly waddle to the crowded doorway saying, “It’s alright sis, easy now, let’s get you upstairs.”  
The Princes climbed to their knees, “We didn’t know it was her, Balin’s usually the one to get the one to fetch the records.” Each checking their noses if the bleeding had stopped.  
Thorin growled as he reached your side glaring at the boys, “We’ll discuss this later!”  
You let out another pant gently swatting his shoulder, “You’ll do nothing of the sort, two weeks I’ve been poked and prodded, forced to down all of your Dwarf concoctions to hurry this along, they’re the only ones to manage it.”  
Thorin let out a rumbling breath as he gently lifted you, glaring at the boys again before turning to carry you upstairs for your labor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Switch of POV (You're no longer the Queen but a member of the Company)  
> Through the Journey you’d been the target of the Princes’ pranks so when you get back to the Mountain you exact your revenge, which Dwalin uses to his advantage, through the pranking you find yourself in a chest with Prince Fili.

The Seemingly endless celebrations had come to a close at the arrival of the six new heirs to the Throne, along with a breath of relief that the Princes were banned from pranking anyone, finally allowing your moment for revenge. Through the journey you had been the main target of their pranks, either willingly or by chance and always at the regret of The older of the two, who always seemed to draw closer to you after to calm you or clean you up after ensuring you were never harmed in any way.   
It started innocently enough with Kili bearing most of the weight of it, adding of feathers where they didn’t belong, locking the younger Prince in a room to be found in a less than appropriate outfit after hiding his clothes after a swim, each and every prank carefully monitored by his One Tauriel, your newest best friend who demanded that none of them harm Kili at all.  
..  
Through your first pranks another flood of rage swept through the mountain as Balin tried to get his brother to cut back in the sweets, and you being a baker in a small shop in Erebor you had become his newest target for shadowing in hopes of getting you to sneak him what he craved. Being much easier as you’d been chosen by the Queen to be the Godmother to the 6 new heirs and having been moved into the small apartment next to the King’s with a door connecting to the new nursery, spending most of the day cooking for them, the King and Queen while cleaning up after them while the Queen was still recovering from the birth  
…   
You had just swapped Kili’s clothes for an identical set but three sizes too small as he went for a swim, Smirking as you turned back to go hide them in the empty Throne Room when you spotted Gloin and Dwalin both raising their eyebrows at you, your eyes darted to the clothes in your arms before quickly pulling the few gold coins you had and tossing them at Gloin who happily counted them and mimed locking his lips with a key before telling Dwalin, “Dozen brownies will be in your rooms at lunch.” Earning a smirk and a nod as he led his cousin away.  
His plan had succeeded even without lifting a finger, happily snacking in his brownies as he spotted Thorin in his Throne eyeing the stack of clothes at the foot of it as the distant sound of laughter came closer as his Nephew came into view, teetering carefully as to not rip the tight shorts and midriff exposing shirt arriving to complain to his Uncle how his clothes had been stolen only to find them at his feet. Each of the Company members chuckling as he grabbed them and teetered away while Balin turned his head finally noticing the brownie in his brother’s hand, “Where did you get that?”  
“I know a guy.”  
“I’ve told each sweets salesman specifically not to sell them to you!”  
“Got them in a trade, fair and square.” Smirking as he walked away.  
…  
Your next prank requiring a bit more skill, sneaking into the Princes apartment during a meeting and leaving after making all his clothes smell like lemons and swapping Kili’s berry pie for a tart grapefruit pie and nearly running into Dwalin once again as he smirked down at you, “Look what we have here, stealing more clothes?” Eyeing the pie in your hands, his smirk growing as you handed it to him and he walked off whistling a tune after saying, “Take the back stairs they’re headed up.” You nodded after making sure the door was closed before you and headed for the stairs.  
..  
The next day had been packed with you running around the mountain to get everything needed for your caring for the infants and the King and Queen, the only free time for your prank was just barely past midnight. Still in your knee length pants and tank top you slipped out of your room grabbing your spare key you’d made for the Princes’ apartment door and crossing the hall to sneak in. Quietly shutting it behind you and getting started, heading through the main rooms sliding the furniture quietly a few inches to the left, rotating the flow of the room just enough for them to know something was off, and holding back a chuckle as you headed for the door to Kili’s room with a smirk. Quietly opening the door, slipping inside and repeating the process in his room as he laid out across his covers snoring loudly while snuggling the small otter plushie that Tauriel had made for his birthday against his chest, smirking as you finished before rearranging the drawers in his dresser and sliding the items on the counter in his bathroom a few inches to the left as well.   
Through your rearranging you’d stumbled across one of Fili’s daggers, one that he’d had lent to you any time you’d left the group during your Journey to Erebor, the same dagger that had triggered nearly a three month war between the two Princes when Kili had lost it, being the gift his Father had given to their Mother the day it was confirmed she was carrying Fili, ending only as you’d convinced him it would turn up and he shouldn’t kill his only brother after you’d dragged him out of the Mountain for a long walk, finding him easier to convince when you were alone and without an audience.  
As you headed for the door you flipped the dagger so it laid across your forearm as you quietly slipped out of the bedroom closing the door silently behind you and turning to the front door again, in the main hall from their front door your head turned as you heard a sigh from Fili’s now open bedroom door, opening and closing your mouth as your head spun for a place to hide before your eyes landed on Fili’s shirtless form entering the hall rubbing his chin as his eyes blinked open.  
“Jaqi?” Pausing and dropping his hands to his sides as his eyebrows lifted before taking a step closer to you slightly concerned at your being there hoping you hadn’t had a nightmare or something.  
“Hey, um. Sorry I woke you, I just came to bring this back found it for you, old habits you know, before I made a trip to Dale earlier, the one you always made me take when I left the group on the Journey.”  
He smiles at you as he grabs it, “Not a problem at all. Hmm.” His eyes examining it, “Thought I’d never see it again. Thank you.” His eyes raising to look at you, sparkling happily in the dark hallway.  
“Well I’ll let you get back to sleep.” His eyes darting to your lips as you pulled your bottom lip in your mouth to wet it as your eyes skimmed across his broad muscular chest down to the waistband of his pajama pants and drawing a quick breath as you forced your eyes to look back up to his handsome face, not any easier to drag your eyes away from but nodding and forcing yourself to turn for the door feeling bumps rise over your skin as you felt his gaze across your figure.  
He nods, “Night.” Closing the door behind you a long breath escaped you, covering your mouth trying to force back the urge to walk back into his apartment, walking back to your room across the hall.  
..  
After your next four pranks you’d managed to run into Fili right after, each time his smile larger than the time before with each visit taking longer as he wished to spend more time with you, eyeing Dwalin as he passed, twitching his shoulder as a sign he’d expected to be paid for his silence before eyeing the two of you smirking at your growing relationship before Kili would come running by in search of the culprit, each time being suspicious of you but being talked down by Fili who refused to acknowledge the possibility you could have done it leaving his brother to storm off with a squinting suspicious glare at you as he continued his search.  
..  
Once again Fili had joined you and the Queen helping you tend to the Little Ones, choosing the armchair across from you as you stood at the table folding the baby clothes and blankets as the sound of heavy footsteps came up behind you as a large pair of hands curled around your waist, feeling a fur coat being pressed against your back as a pair of lips tapped your cheek. You bit back your smirk as you’d heard Thorin’s voice mumble in Khuzdul, “You should be in bed, Love.” His eyes halfway closed at his recent attempt to stay up the full night before to help you take care of the infants, who being half Hobbit could stay up for a full week, adding to his desire to spend every moment he could with them.  
A giggle breaking through his delirious state causing his eyes to open and dart to his wife across the room lounging in the armchair beside Fili, who was shooting him an intense glare as his lip started to twitch upwards, unable to lunge at his Uncle to tear you away from him with the children across his chest. His hands left your waist as your shoulders started to shake as giggles erupted from you, mouth dropping open as he sidestepped to give you some distance as he stammered out an apology.  
Your eyes met Thorin’s watering from your laughter, “No harm done Thorin, you should get some sleep though.”  
His head nodded as his eyes turned to Fili who’s jaw was now clenching as The Queen climbed out of her chair and walked over to him curling in his arms comforting him with a kiss before stroking his cheek, “Don’t worry Love, we do look practically identical from the back.” Kissing him again, “Let’s get some sleep.” Earning a nod from him before leading him to kiss his children goodnight, giving Fili a remorseful gaze as he went into their bedroom.  
You added the stack of blankets back into the basket with the rest of the newly folded clothes before heading to Fili’s side, noticing how his eyes were sliding over you slowly un-tensing himself as you stopped in front of him, and curled on the arm of his chair running your hand across the backs of the two infants on his chest calming their squirming. A smile fought its way across his face as he gazed at your loving smile aimed at the infants, growing as your eyes met his, “He’s exhausted you know, so don’t be angry with him, he would have kissed Dwalin had he stayed up for long enough.”  
Fili chuckled as he rolled his eyes, “Still..”  
His words breaking off as your hand slid around his chin as you leaned in and gently kissed his cheek, “Thank you for being so protective, but he didn’t do it on purpose, even Queen Bell laughed, he’d never betray her, you know that.” Refusing to believe his anger could have been aimed at protecting your honor over his new Aunt’s as his eyes dropped to the infants on his chest as he nodded trying to hide the sting from you not realizing how deeply he cared for you, wishing you could see how incredible you are and that he would have taken his Uncle down just to defend you. His eyes meeting yours again, “You should get some sleep to, you’ve got that early meeting.”  
He nodded again as his eyes sparkled up at you again, “I’ll help you lay them back in their bed.” Carefully standing and heading into the nursery as you pushed the small wheeled carriage with the other snuggling four into their room, smiling as you saw him gently lower them into the large bed, kissing their foreheads as he lowered them gently. His smile growing as you moved the others into the bed, both kissing them as you lowered them, straightening again as he pressed his shoulder against yours, both watching them happily until you bumped your hip into his forcing a quiet chuckle from him.   
Turning to face you as you faced him, his eyes sparkling at you as they slid to your cheek that had been kissed causing you to roll your eyes, “You’re not going to get over this are you?”  
His eyes met yours, “I will.”  
He swallowed as your hand laid across his stomach just under his pecs, “Come on Prince Fili, go get some sleep.”  
He let out a sigh, “I’m not really a Prince anymore.”  
You smirked up at him, “Oh you’ll always be Prince Fili to me.” His eyes lighting up at that with his smile growing wider as you kissed his cheek again and gently pressed on his stomach, “Off to bed now.” His arm curled around your back as you walked him to your door through the nursery, when you were finally in the front doorway his hand gently brushed the stray hair laying across your face to behind your ear with the rest of it before timidly leaning in to peck you on the cheek before reluctantly turning to his apartment.  
..  
After your latest prank you had to rush to flee from Kili who was hot on the trail as you sprinted for a hiding place, passing Fili who turned and charged after you wishing to know why, darting into the same doorway you had just charged into. His eyes stopping on you as you spun in a circle, halfway smirking at the way your dress curled around you along with your long ponytail, “What are you doing?” letting out a quiet chuckle at your spinning.  
Your eyes still searching for a hiding spot and settling on a large chest, “Winning,” as you knelt before it opening it as he moved to your side glancing inside as you turned to the doorway again, his head glancing back to the empty doorway as well before asking, “What are you winning exactly?”  
“The war. I wasn’t here, you didn’t see me.” Standing and stepping inside as his hands went around your waist to try and stop you as you heard Kili drawing closer to the doorway.  
“What war? What is this about?” Your eyes met his as you let out a sigh, quickly curling your hands in his shirt, shoving him inside, “What..” Then dropping in on top of him as you shut the lid as he froze for a moment before squirming, “Why are we..” His voice stopping as you covered his mouth.  
“Shh.” Listening for Fili as he turned his head to free his mouth, “What is..” Your eyes meeting his with a soft glare, “Fili quiet.”  
“But..” As Kili’s shouts filled the hall you let out a quick breath and laid across Fili’s chest crashing your lips against his, hearing a muffled word as his body froze before he leaned into the kiss, curling his hand over your cheek deepening the kiss as his other slid around your back.   
Both of you froze as the lid opened to a loud, “Gotcha!” Your heads turning to see Kili staring down at you, his eyebrows pressed together as his head tilted to the side in confusion, “Why are you in a chest?”  
“I um, sort of pushed him in it.”  
His eyes dropped to Fili who nodded, “She did.”  
He took in and let out a breath, “You know there’s a closet over there..”  
Your eyes went to it, “Yes but that’s where they keep the spare banners for the balconies.”  
Kili smirked with a nod, “Hmm, not willing to get tangled, carry on then.” Lowering the lid again before raising it, “You didn’t happen to see anybody running by before you pushed him in did you?”  
Both of you shook your heads, “No.”  
His forehead scrunched as he glanced away before looking back at you both, “As you were then.” Winking at his brother before closing the lid again and rushing back out the door.  
Fili pulled you back down against his chest as you glanced at him through the darkness, “You’re the one whose been pranking Ki?”  
You let out a quick giggle, “He started it.”  
Fili chuckled as he slid his hand over your cheek moving his face closer to yours, “Yes he did.” Before his lips crashed into yours again, staying in the chest for a short while longer before sneaking out and heading back to your jobs, over the next few days stealing as many moments as you could, both going about your schedules and your pranks as you both dragged each other in various closets and empty rooms for more passionate kissing.   
Your last snatching of Fili however ended with Thorin finding you both in a closet, both giving him a smile as he blinked quickly, looking at you through his drooping eyelids, his deep voice slurring in the middle of each word he spoke before regaining it’s strength, “Just keep your clothes on.” Before shutting the door again leaving both of you quietly chuckling before kissing again.  
Thorin stumbled his way upstairs kissing his Wife, “Evening Love, Jaqi and Fili might be late.” Dropping heavily into his armchair beside her.  
“Why’s that?”  
His head rolling back as his eyes closed threatened to roll back and shut, “They’re kissing in a closet down the hall. Don’t worry, told them to keep they’re clothes on.”  
“Thorin, you do remember how we conceived in the first place don’t you?”  
He hummed at the memory, “Yes, pinned you against that tree on our camping trip.” Smiling until his eyes shot open and he climbed out of his chair moving as quickly as he could back to the closet and throwing the door open again and dragging Fili out by his shirt, “No one is having any more babies until ours are much older.” He turned wagging his finger at you for you to follow leading you back to his apartment setting you down on the couch, “You can court, you can kiss, just not privately, no more babies till mine are grown.”   
Earning a groan from Bell and a giggle from you as Fili blushed as he said, “We wouldn’t, just kissing.” Curling his hand in yours as he took the seat beside you.


End file.
